she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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