On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize