So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
