Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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