Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
