I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
