I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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