i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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