I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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