Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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