DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
