Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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