Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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