bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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