we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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