Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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