I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize