dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize