just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
