I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
