He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
