Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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