im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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