Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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