He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Is Oprah even human
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
