just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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