Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
