my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
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