No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
