this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
50% drunk capacity currently
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
