If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
