You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
