Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
