is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
