This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
