Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize