Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
how drunk are you?
Several
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
