We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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