The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
