Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
