I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
