there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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