Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I smell like Dick and happiness
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
