this beer tastes like vomit already
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
there was a trapeze. enough said
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
