She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
