You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize