I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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