thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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