youre lurking in front of me
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
