he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
