I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I came so hard my ears popped.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
