Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
