***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
