this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
