guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
