he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The feeling are messing with the penis
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
