As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he shaved USA in his pubs
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
