She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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