Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
