im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He uses pillows to masturbate.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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