Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
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