i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
