I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
