My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
