just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
