Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
