I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
