sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
