As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
