You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
