Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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