Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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