She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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