but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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