OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
