I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
