it was like eating out sand paper
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
