i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
im about as happy as oj after his trial
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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