Non-Jews are for practice
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
