I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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