drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We're not piercing ourselves today.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
