WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
