He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
