I'm laying in your front yard are you home
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
