Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
