My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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