Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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