i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
