the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize